shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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