'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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