Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Everything about him screamed your future.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
