just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
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so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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