I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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