Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
