you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
