Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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