I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
