The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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