I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
