i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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