Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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