I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We're too hungover to prance.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Couch. On fire.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
