ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
