God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
