apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You ruined the universe
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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