we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
