i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
