Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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