Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
