guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
