Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
