you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
