People with herpes should wear stickers.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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