Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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