She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
