I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
