There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
