i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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