Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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