Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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