I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
