Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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