I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
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i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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