I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
