HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
