I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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