If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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