ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
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