Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
