Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
