We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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