I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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