Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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