I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize