I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
