So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
