Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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