I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
