And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
