Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
