96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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