We won't sleep together?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
