i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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