how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
