everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
