Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
