I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
