No subtext here. People are naked.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
