I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
