i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
