Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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