I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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