Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
