im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
