There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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