Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
