I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
